Why paying attention to the positives can make a difference to how we think, feel and approach everyday life.
Think back over the last few days. What stands out?
For many of us, it’s surprisingly easy to recall the things that didn’t go quite to plan. The difficult conversation, the unexpected bill, the meeting that overran or the one thing we forgot to do. Meanwhile, the pleasant conversation with a colleague, the unexpected kindness of a stranger or the small achievement that made us feel good can disappear into the background – almost unnoticed.
It’s not necessarily because we’re pessimistic people. In fact, there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for why our brains tend to behave this way, and understanding it can help us develop a rather different perspective on everyday life.
Why Our Brains Notice the Negatives
Our brains have evolved to help us survive, and part of that process involves being particularly attentive to potential threats, difficulties and unpleasant experiences. Psychologists often refer to this tendency as ‘negativity bias’, which describes how negative information can sometimes have a greater impact on our attention, emotions and memory than positive information.
From an evolutionary perspective, this makes sense. For our ancestors, remembering where danger might be lurking was considerably more important than remembering where they’d seen a particularly attractive flower. The consequences of overlooking something threatening could be serious, so our brains developed sophisticated systems for recognising and responding to potential problems.
Of course, most of us aren’t spending our days avoiding predators, but those same systems continue to influence how we interpret the world around us. A critical comment can stay with us long after several compliments have been forgotten, while a minor inconvenience can sometimes overshadow an otherwise enjoyable day.
The interesting thing is this: what naturally attracts our attention isn’t necessarily the same as what deserves all of our attention.
What Happens When We Focus on the Positives?
Our brains are constantly processing enormous amounts of information, far more than we could consciously consider at any one time. Attention helps us decide which parts of that information are important enough to notice. When we deliberately look for positive experiences, achievements or moments of enjoyment, we’re directing that attention towards information that might otherwise have passed us by. This doesn’t mean pretending that difficult things haven’t happened, or trying to convince ourselves that everything is wonderful when it clearly isn’t. It’s simply about developing a more balanced picture of our experiences.
Consider two people who have experienced exactly the same day. Both have encountered a frustrating journey to work, completed a difficult task, enjoyed a pleasant lunch and received an encouraging message from a friend. One spends the evening thinking about the journey and how frustrating the morning was. The other remembers completing the difficult task and the unexpected message that made them smile. Neither person is necessarily wrong about the day they’ve experienced. They’re simply paying attention to different parts of it, and those differences can influence how they remember the day and how they feel about it.
Research into positive psychology suggests that deliberately noticing and reflecting on positive experiences can support emotional wellbeing. Practices such as recording things we’re grateful for or identifying positive events have been associated with improvements in wellbeing, although the effects vary between individuals and circumstances. The important point is that our attention isn’t entirely beyond our influence. We can learn to direct it more deliberately.
The Neuroscience of Positive Experiences
When we experience something enjoyable or rewarding, several interconnected systems within the brain become involved. These include networks associated with attention, memory, emotion and motivation.
Dopamine, a neurotransmitter involved in learning, motivation and reward, plays an important role in how we respond to experiences that we find meaningful or rewarding. It’s sometimes described as the brain’s ‘feel-good chemical’, although that description oversimplifies what is actually a much more complicated process. Dopamine isn’t simply responsible for making us happy. Among other things, it helps the brain recognise information about rewards and learn from experiences, influencing what we might be motivated to do again.
This is one reason why noticing small achievements can be useful. When we recognise that something has gone well, we give ourselves an opportunity to reflect on what contributed to that success and whether we might repeat it. Over time, these experiences can help shape our expectations, habits and behaviour. This capacity for change is connected to neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to adapt and reorganise its connections in response to learning and experience.
It doesn’t mean that thinking positively automatically rewires the brain or that we can simply choose to be happy, but it does mean that the ways we direct our attention, interpret experiences and practise behaviours can contribute to the patterns we develop.
What’s Been Good?
One of the questions I regularly ask in Solution Focused Hypnotherapy sessions is deceptively simple:
‘What’s been good?’
For some people, the question initially comes as a surprise. After all, they’ve come to discuss something they would like to change, so being asked to talk about what has gone well might seem a rather unusual place to begin – but there’s a purpose behind it. Solution Focused Hypnotherapy encourages people to recognise their existing strengths, inner resources and successes, rather than concentrating exclusively on difficulties. By exploring what’s already working, we can begin to identify useful patterns, behaviours and opportunities for further progress.
The answers don’t need to be particularly impressive: perhaps someone managed to get out for a walk after several days of putting it off. Maybe they enjoyed a conversation with a friend, completed something they’d been avoiding or noticed that they handled a situation more calmly than they might have done previously. Sometimes the answer is simply that the sun was shining, the dog did something ridiculous or they enjoyed a really good cup of coffee. What matters isn’t the size of the experience, but the act of noticing it.
As people become more accustomed to recognising these moments, they may begin to identify positive experiences that would previously have passed without much attention. They can also start recognising the part they’ve played in making those experiences happen. That latter point is particularly important, because it moves us beyond simply noticing good things towards understanding what we’re already doing that helps.
Small Things Are Still Important Things
We have a tendency to measure progress through significant achievements: getting a new job, completing a qualification, reaching a major goal or making a substantial change in our lives all provide obvious evidence that something has improved. Yet most of our lives aren’t made up of major milestones. They’re made up of ordinary days, familiar routines, conversations, decisions and countless small experiences. If we only allow ourselves to recognise the big achievements, we’re overlooking an enormous amount of potentially useful information.
Someone working towards feeling more confident might notice that they contributed to a conversation they would previously have avoided. A person trying to improve their sleep might recognise that they established a more relaxing evening routine. Someone who has been feeling overwhelmed might realise that they managed to prioritise one task rather than attempting everything at once. Individually, these things might seem relatively insignificant, but collectively they can provide evidence of developing confidence, changing habits and increasing our sense of control.
And when we notice what has helped, we’re in a better position to do more of it.
Making It Part of Everyday Life
You don’t need a journal, an elaborate routine or a particular amount of time to begin noticing what’s going well. It might be as simple as taking a few moments at the end of the day to think about two or three things you’ve enjoyed, achieved or appreciated. You could share them with someone over dinner, reflect on them during an evening walk or simply acknowledge them while getting ready for bed. Some people find it helpful to write things down, particularly because it creates a record they can look back on. Others prefer to make it part of an ordinary conversation.
It’s also worth being curious about what contributed to those experiences. If you enjoyed meeting a friend, what made that possible? If you handled a difficult situation well, what did you do differently? If you had a particularly good morning, was there something about your routine that helped? These questions can turn a pleasant memory into something more useful: an opportunity to recognise the choices, strengths and behaviours that are already making a positive difference.
Importantly, this isn’t an exercise in compulsory positivity. Some days are genuinely difficult, and there may be times when finding something good feels harder than usual. Acknowledging that is perfectly reasonable. The aim isn’t to dismiss unpleasant experiences, but to make sure they don’t automatically become the only experiences we remember.
A Different Perspective
We can’t control everything that happens in our lives, and there will always be challenges, frustrations and unexpected difficulties. What we can sometimes influence, however, is where we direct our attention and what we choose to take forward from our experiences. Noticing what’s going well doesn’t remove the things that aren’t. It simply allows us to recognise that both can exist at the same time. And perhaps that’s where some of the most useful changes begin: not with a dramatic transformation or a completely different life, but with a growing awareness of the things that are already working and the possibilities they create.
So, before you move on to the next thing today, here’s a question worth considering: what’s been good?