Steve Bond

Why a good night’s sleep is about much more than simply feeling rested.

We spend roughly a third of our lives asleep, yet many of us know surprisingly little about what happens to our brains during those hours. We understand how different we can feel after a good night’s rest, and most of us have experienced the frustration of lying awake when we’d much rather be sleeping. But while we’re tucked up in bed, apparently doing very little, our brains are actually remarkably busy.

Understanding what happens to your brain while you sleep can help explain why sleep is so important for memory, emotional wellbeing, concentration and our ability to manage everyday stress. Far from simply switching off, the sleeping brain continues to carry out a range of essential functions that help prepare us for the following day.

What Happens to Your Brain During Sleep?

Although sleep feels like a period of inactivity, the brain continues working throughout the night. Different networks become more or less active as we move through a series of sleep stages, each associated with particular patterns of brain activity.

Sleep is generally divided into two main types: non-rapid eye movement (NREM) sleep and rapid eye movement (REM) sleep. NREM sleep includes lighter stages and deeper, slow-wave sleep, while REM sleep is particularly associated with vivid dreaming. We move between these stages several times during a typical night, with each cycle lasting approximately 90 minutes on average, although the length can vary considerably. Deep sleep tends to be more prominent earlier in the night, while REM periods generally become longer towards morning. Each stage contributes to the complex processes that support our physical and psychological health.

Deep Sleep: Restoring and Rebuilding

During deep NREM sleep, brain activity becomes dominated by slow, synchronised electrical waves. Our heart rate and breathing generally slow, and the body becomes less responsive to its surroundings. This stage is particularly important for physical restoration, immune function and aspects of memory consolidation, the process through which newly acquired information becomes more stable and accessible.

If you’ve ever struggled to remember something after a poor night’s sleep, you’ll have experienced one of the ways sleep can influence learning and memory. Sleep helps the brain strengthen and organise information acquired during the day, although different types of memory involve different sleep stages. Research also suggests that sleep supports the brain’s systems for clearing metabolic waste products. Much of the detailed evidence comes from animal studies, and scientists are still investigating precisely how these processes operate in humans.

In other words, deep sleep isn’t simply a period of rest. It’s an important part of the brain’s ongoing maintenance and recovery.

REM Sleep: Dreams, Memories and Emotions

One of the most fascinating stages of sleep is REM sleep, named after the rapid movements of the eyes that occur beneath closed eyelids.

During REM sleep, brain activity in several regions resembles aspects of wakefulness, even though the body remains asleep. Most skeletal muscles are temporarily inhibited from moving, which is thought to help prevent us from physically acting out our dreams. REM sleep is strongly associated with vivid dreaming, although dreams can occur during other stages too.

Scientists believe REM sleep contributes to aspects of memory processing, emotional regulation and learning, but its precise functions are still being investigated. The relationship between dreaming and emotional wellbeing is particularly interesting: during the day, we encounter countless experiences that carry some emotional significance. Some are enjoyable, some frustrating and others perhaps more challenging. Sleep appears to play a role in how emotional memories are processed and integrated, potentially influencing how we respond to similar experiences in the future.

However, it’s important to distinguish this from the idea that REM sleep simply removes the emotional charge from our experiences. That’s a useful metaphor often encountered in Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, but the scientific evidence points towards a more complex relationship between REM sleep, dreaming and emotional processing. What we can say is that sleep is closely connected to how we manage emotions, and disrupted sleep can make everyday challenges feel considerably more difficult.

Why Everything Can Feel Different After a Good Night’s Sleep

Most of us have experienced days when relatively minor inconveniences seem unusually irritating. Perhaps we’re less patient with other people, find it harder to concentrate or struggle to make decisions that would ordinarily be straightforward. Poor sleep can affect attention, emotional regulation, memory and our ability to respond flexibly to situations. It can also influence the way different brain regions communicate, including networks involved in emotional responses and higher-level thinking.

This helps explain why stress and sleep difficulties can sometimes become closely connected. Feeling stressed may make it harder to fall asleep or stay asleep, while insufficient sleep can leave us feeling less able to cope with the following day’s demands. The encouraging part is that improving sleep habits can support our overall wellbeing, and small, consistent changes may make a meaningful difference.

Helping Your Brain Prepare for Better Sleep

Our brains respond to patterns and routines, and sleep is no exception. The body’s internal clock, known as the circadian rhythm, helps regulate when we feel alert and when we begin to feel sleepy. Light exposure, activity, meal times and regular habits all provide information that helps maintain this rhythm. Establishing a reasonably consistent sleep and waking schedule can help support this process, particularly when combined with exposure to natural daylight during the morning and daytime. It can also be helpful to create a transition between the busyness of the day and the quieter activities of the evening. For some people, that might involve reading, listening to music, having a warm bath or spending a little time away from work-related tasks and electronic devices.

For anyone interested in understanding more about sleep and the small changes that can support better rest, The Sleep Charity offers practical advice and resources to help people understand their sleep patterns and improve their sleep quality. The aim isn’t to create an elaborate bedtime routine that becomes another thing to worry about. In fact, becoming overly focused on achieving perfect sleep can sometimes make falling asleep more difficult. Instead, it can be useful to think about creating conditions that make sleep more likely, while allowing the process itself to happen naturally. And, of course, an occasional poor night’s sleep is a normal part of life. We don’t need to sleep perfectly every night to benefit from healthy sleep habits.

Sleep, Stress and Solution Focused Hypnotherapy

Sleep difficulties are one of the reasons people come to me to explore Solution Focused Hypnotherapy. Rather than concentrating exclusively on the difficulties someone has experienced during the night, a solution focused approach encourages them to consider what is already helping, when sleep has been better and what small changes might support further improvement. This might involve exploring evening routines, recognising positive changes during the day or identifying ways to feel more relaxed and confident about going to bed. Hypnotherapy sessions also commonly include guided relaxation, which some people find helpful in reducing tension and developing a greater sense of calm.

It’s important to recognise that persistent sleep problems can have a range of causes, including medical conditions and sleep disorders. Cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) is generally recommended as a first-line treatment for chronic insomnia, and anyone experiencing ongoing or significant sleep difficulties should seek appropriate medical advice. Solution Focused Hypnotherapy may be explored as a complementary approach to supporting relaxation and wellbeing, rather than as a replacement for established medical treatment.

A Little More Appreciation for Sleep

It’s easy to think of sleep as the time between everything else we do, particularly when life feels busy and there never seem to be quite enough hours in the day, but sleep isn’t simply an interruption to our waking lives. It’s an active and essential part of how our brains function, helping us process information, support memory, regulate emotions and maintain our overall health.

Perhaps understanding this can encourage us to think a little differently about the time we spend asleep. Rather than viewing it as something we need to squeeze into the end of the day, we can begin to recognise it as an important part of looking after ourselves. After all, while we’re sleeping, our brains are still working remarkably hard on our behalf, and that’s something worth giving them a little time to do.

At The Space In Between, Solution Focused Hypnotherapy offers a supportive approach to exploring positive change, developing helpful routines and improving overall wellbeing. If you’d like to find out more, you’re welcome to arrange a free initial consultation.

Why paying attention to the positives can make a difference to how we think, feel and approach everyday life.

Think back over the last few days. What stands out?

For many of us, it’s surprisingly easy to recall the things that didn’t go quite to plan. The difficult conversation, the unexpected bill, the meeting that overran or the one thing we forgot to do. Meanwhile, the pleasant conversation with a colleague, the unexpected kindness of a stranger or the small achievement that made us feel good can disappear into the background – almost unnoticed.

It’s not necessarily because we’re pessimistic people. In fact, there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for why our brains tend to behave this way, and understanding it can help us develop a rather different perspective on everyday life.

Why Our Brains Notice the Negatives

Our brains have evolved to help us survive, and part of that process involves being particularly attentive to potential threats, difficulties and unpleasant experiences. Psychologists often refer to this tendency as ‘negativity bias’, which describes how negative information can sometimes have a greater impact on our attention, emotions and memory than positive information.

From an evolutionary perspective, this makes sense. For our ancestors, remembering where danger might be lurking was considerably more important than remembering where they’d seen a particularly attractive flower. The consequences of overlooking something threatening could be serious, so our brains developed sophisticated systems for recognising and responding to potential problems.

Of course, most of us aren’t spending our days avoiding predators, but those same systems continue to influence how we interpret the world around us. A critical comment can stay with us long after several compliments have been forgotten, while a minor inconvenience can sometimes overshadow an otherwise enjoyable day.

The interesting thing is this: what naturally attracts our attention isn’t necessarily the same as what deserves all of our attention.

What Happens When We Focus on the Positives?

Our brains are constantly processing enormous amounts of information, far more than we could consciously consider at any one time. Attention helps us decide which parts of that information are important enough to notice. When we deliberately look for positive experiences, achievements or moments of enjoyment, we’re directing that attention towards information that might otherwise have passed us by. This doesn’t mean pretending that difficult things haven’t happened, or trying to convince ourselves that everything is wonderful when it clearly isn’t. It’s simply about developing a more balanced picture of our experiences.

Consider two people who have experienced exactly the same day. Both have encountered a frustrating journey to work, completed a difficult task, enjoyed a pleasant lunch and received an encouraging message from a friend. One spends the evening thinking about the journey and how frustrating the morning was. The other remembers completing the difficult task and the unexpected message that made them smile. Neither person is necessarily wrong about the day they’ve experienced. They’re simply paying attention to different parts of it, and those differences can influence how they remember the day and how they feel about it.

Research into positive psychology suggests that deliberately noticing and reflecting on positive experiences can support emotional wellbeing. Practices such as recording things we’re grateful for or identifying positive events have been associated with improvements in wellbeing, although the effects vary between individuals and circumstances. The important point is that our attention isn’t entirely beyond our influence. We can learn to direct it more deliberately.

The Neuroscience of Positive Experiences

When we experience something enjoyable or rewarding, several interconnected systems within the brain become involved. These include networks associated with attention, memory, emotion and motivation.

Dopamine, a neurotransmitter involved in learning, motivation and reward, plays an important role in how we respond to experiences that we find meaningful or rewarding. It’s sometimes described as the brain’s ‘feel-good chemical’, although that description oversimplifies what is actually a much more complicated process. Dopamine isn’t simply responsible for making us happy. Among other things, it helps the brain recognise information about rewards and learn from experiences, influencing what we might be motivated to do again.

This is one reason why noticing small achievements can be useful. When we recognise that something has gone well, we give ourselves an opportunity to reflect on what contributed to that success and whether we might repeat it. Over time, these experiences can help shape our expectations, habits and behaviour. This capacity for change is connected to neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to adapt and reorganise its connections in response to learning and experience.

It doesn’t mean that thinking positively automatically rewires the brain or that we can simply choose to be happy, but it does mean that the ways we direct our attention, interpret experiences and practise behaviours can contribute to the patterns we develop.

What’s Been Good?

One of the questions I regularly ask in Solution Focused Hypnotherapy sessions is deceptively simple:

‘What’s been good?’

For some people, the question initially comes as a surprise. After all, they’ve come to discuss something they would like to change, so being asked to talk about what has gone well might seem a rather unusual place to begin – but there’s a purpose behind it. Solution Focused Hypnotherapy encourages people to recognise their existing strengths, inner resources and successes, rather than concentrating exclusively on difficulties. By exploring what’s already working, we can begin to identify useful patterns, behaviours and opportunities for further progress.

The answers don’t need to be particularly impressive: perhaps someone managed to get out for a walk after several days of putting it off. Maybe they enjoyed a conversation with a friend, completed something they’d been avoiding or noticed that they handled a situation more calmly than they might have done previously. Sometimes the answer is simply that the sun was shining, the dog did something ridiculous or they enjoyed a really good cup of coffee. What matters isn’t the size of the experience, but the act of noticing it.

As people become more accustomed to recognising these moments, they may begin to identify positive experiences that would previously have passed without much attention. They can also start recognising the part they’ve played in making those experiences happen. That latter point is particularly important, because it moves us beyond simply noticing good things towards understanding what we’re already doing that helps.

Small Things Are Still Important Things

We have a tendency to measure progress through significant achievements: getting a new job, completing a qualification, reaching a major goal or making a substantial change in our lives all provide obvious evidence that something has improved. Yet most of our lives aren’t made up of major milestones. They’re made up of ordinary days, familiar routines, conversations, decisions and countless small experiences. If we only allow ourselves to recognise the big achievements, we’re overlooking an enormous amount of potentially useful information.

Someone working towards feeling more confident might notice that they contributed to a conversation they would previously have avoided. A person trying to improve their sleep might recognise that they established a more relaxing evening routine. Someone who has been feeling overwhelmed might realise that they managed to prioritise one task rather than attempting everything at once. Individually, these things might seem relatively insignificant, but collectively they can provide evidence of developing confidence, changing habits and increasing our sense of control.

And when we notice what has helped, we’re in a better position to do more of it.

Making It Part of Everyday Life

You don’t need a journal, an elaborate routine or a particular amount of time to begin noticing what’s going well. It might be as simple as taking a few moments at the end of the day to think about two or three things you’ve enjoyed, achieved or appreciated. You could share them with someone over dinner, reflect on them during an evening walk or simply acknowledge them while getting ready for bed. Some people find it helpful to write things down, particularly because it creates a record they can look back on. Others prefer to make it part of an ordinary conversation.

It’s also worth being curious about what contributed to those experiences. If you enjoyed meeting a friend, what made that possible? If you handled a difficult situation well, what did you do differently? If you had a particularly good morning, was there something about your routine that helped? These questions can turn a pleasant memory into something more useful: an opportunity to recognise the choices, strengths and behaviours that are already making a positive difference.

Importantly, this isn’t an exercise in compulsory positivity. Some days are genuinely difficult, and there may be times when finding something good feels harder than usual. Acknowledging that is perfectly reasonable. The aim isn’t to dismiss unpleasant experiences, but to make sure they don’t automatically become the only experiences we remember.

A Different Perspective

We can’t control everything that happens in our lives, and there will always be challenges, frustrations and unexpected difficulties. What we can sometimes influence, however, is where we direct our attention and what we choose to take forward from our experiences. Noticing what’s going well doesn’t remove the things that aren’t. It simply allows us to recognise that both can exist at the same time. And perhaps that’s where some of the most useful changes begin: not with a dramatic transformation or a completely different life, but with a growing awareness of the things that are already working and the possibilities they create.

So, before you move on to the next thing today, here’s a question worth considering: what’s been good?

Most of us know what it is like to overthink. We replay a conversation that finished hours ago and think about what we should have said. We worry about something that might happen next week, imagine different outcomes or spend far too much time wondering what somebody else might be thinking.

Often, we are perfectly aware that we are doing it. We may even recognise that thinking about the situation isn’t helping, yet telling ourselves to ‘stop worrying’ rarely seems to work. So why can overthinking be so difficult to switch off?

Why do we overthink?

Our brains are extremely good at looking for potential problems. Being able to anticipate danger, remember previous threats and prepare for what might happen next has obvious evolutionary advantages. The problem is that this protective system can also become involved in the ordinary pressures and uncertainties of modern life.

A difficult conversation at work, an upcoming appointment, money worries, family problems, an unanswered message or a concern about what somebody thinks of us can all become things that our mind decides require further attention. We think about the problem in an attempt to resolve it, but sometimes we simply end up thinking about it again and again.

This repetitive thinking is often described as ‘rumination’. Rather than leading us towards a solution, it can keep our attention firmly focused on the problem and contribute to feelings of stress and anxiety.

Overthinking, anxiety and the stress bucket

In Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, we often use the metaphor of a ‘stress bucket’ to explain how life’s pressures can accumulate. Different experiences add to the bucket throughout the day. Some may be significant, while others are relatively minor, but together they can begin to have an impact on how we feel.

Our thoughts can contribute to this too. Worrying repeatedly about something that hasn’t happened yet can make us feel anxious in the present, while continually revisiting something that has already happened can keep the associated feelings very much alive.

When we are experiencing a lot of stress, we may notice that we become more irritable, anxious or overwhelmed. Sleep can become more difficult, concentration can suffer and situations that we might normally manage quite easily can suddenly seem much harder.

The stress bucket is a useful way of thinking about this accumulation. It isn’t a literal description of what happens inside the brain, but it can help us recognise why reducing stress and changing some of our patterns of thinking can make such a difference.

The difference between thinking and problem-solving

Thinking about a problem isn’t necessarily the same as solving it. Useful problem-solving tends to move us towards something we can actually do: What is within my control? What could help? What is the next small step I can take?

Overthinking tends to take us back around the same familiar circuit. We ask ourselves what might go wrong, why something happened, what somebody else meant or what will happen if things don’t work out as we hope.

That distinction is important: one type of thinking can move us towards action and change; the other can leave us repeatedly examining a problem without getting any closer to resolving it.

Can Solution Focused Hypnotherapy help with overthinking?

Solution Focused Hypnotherapy takes a different approach. Rather than spending session after session analysing everything that has gone wrong, we focus much more on what you would like to be different, what is already working and the small changes that could begin moving things in the direction you want.

This doesn’t mean ignoring genuine problems or simply trying to ‘think positively’. Instead, we begin to direct attention towards possibilities, resources and solutions.

What would you notice if things were beginning to improve? What are you already doing that helps? When have you coped well with something similar before? What small change could make tomorrow slightly better?

These questions give us somewhere different to place our attention. Combined with hypnosis and relaxation, Solution Focused Hypnotherapy aims to support people in developing more helpful patterns of thinking and behaviour and make positive changes in their everyday lives.

Moving from overthinking towards change

There will always be things outside our control. We cannot change yesterday, know exactly what somebody else is thinking or guarantee what will happen next week. What we can influence is what we do next.

Sometimes the first step is simply recognising that we are travelling around the same thought again and bringing our attention back to something we can influence in the present.

Change doesn’t always begin with finding the perfect answer to a problem. Sometimes it begins with creating a little space between what has happened, the thoughts that follow and what we choose to do next.

And perhaps that space is more important than we realise.

Solution Focused Hypnotherapy with The Space In Between

At The Space In Between, I offer Solution Focused Hypnotherapy to adults and young people who may be experiencing anxiety, stress, overthinking, sleep difficulties, low confidence and a range of other issues.

If overthinking or anxiety is getting in the way of how you would like to feel or live, an initial consultation gives us an opportunity to talk about how Solution Focused Hypnotherapy works, what you would like to change and whether it feels like the right approach for you.

Welcome to the new website for The Space In Between Hypnotherapy.

This website has been created as a place to find out more about Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, the way I work and the different ways in which hypnotherapy may be able to support positive change.

It is also intended to become something more — a growing collection of information, ideas and resources around wellbeing, the brain and our capacity for change.

The Space In Between

The name comes partly from language I use within hypnotherapy, but its meaning doesn’t have to be fixed.

The space in between might be the space between where you are now and where you would like to be. It might be the point between recognising that something needs to change and beginning to make that change.

It might be a pause, a transition, an opportunity, or simply the space to consider what comes next.

It can mean something different to each of us.

For me, that fits particularly well with a Solution Focused approach. Change doesn’t always have to begin with a huge decision or a dramatic step forward. Often, it begins by noticing something different, recognising what’s already working or beginning to imagine how things could be.

What you’ll find here

The main pages of the website provide information about Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, the areas in which I can offer support, what you can expect when working with me, and answers to some frequently asked questions.

This blog will give me an opportunity to explore some of those ideas more widely.

Over time, I’ll be sharing posts about areas such as anxiety, stress, sleep, confidence and motivation, alongside accessible information about the brain and the ways our thoughts, behaviours and experiences can influence how we feel.

I’ll also share practical ideas and relevant research, with the aim of making potentially complicated subjects understandable and useful.

Looking forward

This website will continue to develop over the coming months, with new articles and resources added regularly.

My aim is quite simple: to create something informative, accessible and useful — whether you’re considering hypnotherapy yourself, supporting someone else, or simply interested in understanding a little more about how our minds work and how change happens.

Thank you for visiting.

I hope you’ll take some time to explore the website and return as it continues to grow.

Welcome to The Space In Between.

Where change begins.